WATCH WHERE THE HEART GOES
The Philosophy of Intimacy
A collection of short essays published for JANE. by the Grey Attic magazine

I get this feeling suddenly. It moves through my blood often. But I’m not sure there’s one word for it. An inner dialogue in watching my heart vanish into all that it loves. In seeing where it goes when drowning in silence. Held under water. An experiment in self-discovery. A willingness to unfold (time and time and time again).

Is this my life? Do I hold it in both hands? How do I swallow air? My hands are strong but my heart breaks over stubbornness. Over gentle self-inquiry. Somehow, searching for something else. A desperate inability to harness tenderness. Do not harden. Softly softly softly is the only way to go. Softly like the gesture of touch upon your cheekbones from the man you love before he eats you. In light of love, I pull my body closer to self. Your voice is sincere. Your voice is honest. Your hands have made some good mistakes. And they will make more. I no longer gather what falls.

I’ve had these thoughts almost everywhere I’ve ever been in my life. There’s nothing you can do but drink some water, take yourself down to a sea of blue, and hope that it subsides. Or you can leave.

fin